at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
