I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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