YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You should frame my arrest warrant.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
