On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
