It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just want nice things and good sex
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
