i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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