we have pet lesbian snakes
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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