well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
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