SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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