i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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