You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
