You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Randomize
