She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
