2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
then he tried to convert me to islam
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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