I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
