I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
