So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
