I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
