Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
