peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
