Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
