this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.