You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.