I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
