Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
