she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
