hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
