Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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