hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
