Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
