Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
