Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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