I want to make a zoo with you.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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