Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
