He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
