Christians are straight up FREAKS
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
