My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
