so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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