"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
