i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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