Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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