so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
