Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
