We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
