she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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