Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
