worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
When did angry sex become our thing?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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