I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
