no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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