Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
