a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
