On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I believe in your delicious
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
