We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
