Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
