He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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