they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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