yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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