I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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