Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
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