i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
