from now on my penis is your penis
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
