Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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