yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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