dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I think my vagina is haunted
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
