I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
