you guys were way drunker than both of me
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
