Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize