it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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